10 Mind-Bending Ideas That’ll Rewire the Way You Think
Proven frameworks that will unshackle you and steer you to a better future.
Welcome to The Art of Becoming, a newsletter about finding value in adversity and embracing discomfort. Each week, I share an idea you can use in your life and business to find fulfillment and be more resilient and joyful.
And it starts with you and me embracing discomfort.
I hope you join me.
At a glance
10 Unconventional ideas that will twist your thoughts but dramatically change your life.
A quote I’m thinking about. Understanding that life and failure are inextricably linked. And that’s a good thing.
Video: How to develop the ultimate mindset.
I look for ways to be uncomfortable.
My children call it my hobby. I have sat in 120 pounds of ice for 20 minutes, freezing my proverbial and literal ass off. I did a thousand burpees because a friend teased me that the 500 burpees I did the previous day weren’t that hard. Of course, he refused to join me.
No matter what I do physically, the most uncomfortable thing to do is change how I think.
Your thoughts will either shackle you to an unforgiving past or steer you to a better future.
New experiences, thoughts, and actions strengthen or eliminate specific pathways. They quite literally rewire your brain. That’s why doing new things, trying different foods, meeting new people, and learning new languages is good for you.
These ten frameworks are uncomfortable, unconventional, and challenging. It took me a while to understand how to use or accept them, but when I did, they impacted my day-to-day actions.
I know they can do the same for you.
Death is free
Death costs you nothing, but life is expensive.
I watched my brother-in-law struggle with cancer. I saw the effect it had on him and my sister. His last two years were pierced with pain and agony punctuated with tears and prayers. And laughter. He loved to laugh.
He fought for each breath and sunrise. He battled death for the joy of seeing his bride smile a few extra days more.
And the price he paid for another day of life was pain and then even more pain. He was willing to pay it for a little more time.
Time is our most important resource, yet we waste our days as if it’s an unlimited resource. We forget the number of seconds we have is limited.
Time is, literally, your life.
Each moment you live, whether joyfully or callously, is one step closer to death.
Death costs you nothing. It’s free.
But a good life, or a bad one, will cost you everything.
To understand death is to develop your character. Marcus Aurelius said the perfection of character is to live your last day, every day, without frenzy, sloth, or pretense. He believed you should welcome death and wait for it like parents waiting for a newborn baby.
The Roman Emperor believed we should not fear death but treat it as any occasion. Recognize it will come and accept it with a cheerful spirit.
Life will cost you everything, and if you’re going to pay the ultimate price for it, then, like my brother-in-law, make sure it’s for the life you want.
If you want to be unhappy, seek happiness
The search for happiness is a waste of time and a good way to waste your life.
Happiness comes when you learn to be resilient. It comes when you see joy in a proverbial pile of crap and are willing to walk hand-in-hand with the devil. When you can do that, nothing bothers you.
Happy people are resilient. They are not afraid to be uncomfortable. They are not afraid to do hard things.
People with grit have an expansive emotional vocabulary. They regulate their emotions by managing frustration, sadness, anger, jealousy, and disappointment. Their internal dialogue is kinder and more forgiving. When setbacks happen, their self-talk is understanding, like talking to a friend.
Studies show that looking for happiness sets people up for disappointment. Those who prioritize happiness often strive for outcomes beyond their control, leading to periods of unhappiness.
The way to find happiness is to not look for it.
Happiness, at least for me, comes when I step off the hedonistic treadmill and start doing difficult things. I’m happier when I do hard shit.
You must accept there will be times you will drown in your pain, suffering, failure, and discomfort to get to the other side.
When you do, that’s where you’ll find happiness. That’s where you’ll find joy.
Control what you can control and surrender everything else
The Stoic philosopher Epictetus said:
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.”
You can only control your thoughts, attitude, what you focus on, and reactions. When you master that, as Brian Tracy says, you master you.
Surrender what you cannot control, focus on what you can, and have faith that everything will work out.
Trying to control what you cannot control leads to a joyless life. See the previous framework.
The great Maya Angelou said, “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
Your first job is to identify what you can and cannot control. Your second job is to be OK with it.
Comparison is the thief of joy
It’s natural to compare your life to others, but that attitude evokes a sentiment that leads to unhappiness.
There’s an immense unfairness when you compare your talents, successes, failures, and disparities to others. Everyone’s circumstances are unique. A comparison would be cruel to you and them.
I have two daughters. My older daughter has had cancer twice, 20 surgeries, and a ton of chemo and radiotherapy. The other has lived a relatively uneventful life.
My older daughter compares her life to her sister. In her sister, she sees a beautiful girl with no scars and the ability to smile. My older daughter cannot or will not see her beauty, no matter how often I or her sister tell her how beautiful she is.
And this comparison steals her happiness. It mutilates the person she could be.
I wish she would compare herself to the person she was yesterday. Or a year ago.
That’s the only comparison that matters.
Comparison is an act of violence against the self. –Iyanla Vansant
The aggregation of marginal gains
This framework is the foundation for all lasting success.
The best investors of all time, from Warren Buffett to Ray Dalio to Li Lu, leverage this framework to deliver double-digit returns.
They adopted the aggregation of marginal gains to improve efficiency and optimize every aspect of their lives and businesses. And so can you.
Implementing the aggregation of marginal gains will improve every area of your life. I guarantee it.
How does it work?
First, a good or great life is not achieved through one monumental win but through the daily accumulation of tiny improvements. Consistency and showing up every day is what leads to progress and success.
I first learned of the aggregation of marginal gains from James Clear when he wrote about Dave Brailsford, the general manager of Team Sky (Great Britain’s professional cycling team). Before Brailsford, no British cyclist had ever won the Tour de France.
Brailsford believed in the philosophy of marginal gains. He believed that improving performance by just one percent in every aspect, no matter how small, would lead to significant overall gains. He changed the bicycle seat, the tire’s weight, and the pillow his riders slept on. This attention to detail paid off, and Team Sky won the Tour de France in 2012 and 2013.
It’s so easy to overestimate the importance of one defining moment and underestimate the value of making better decisions on a daily basis. —James Clear
Consistency is key. It is the silent architect of a great life, shaping life through the steady accumulation of disciplined actions and unwavering dedication.
We often overestimate the significance of a single moment and underestimate the impact of the small decisions we make daily. Just as no one gains 100 pounds in one meal, no one can lose 100 pounds in one day.
Our daily choices ultimately impact our bodies, finances, relationships, and lives.
James Clear calls this the power of tiny gains. Nothing is sexy or wonderous about making minor, seemingly imperceptible improvements in your life. As Clear said, “Getting one percent better [every day] isn’t going to make the headlines.” But it works.
The beauty lies in the compounding effect of marginal gains. Each small step forward builds upon each other, and gradually, your life becomes a tapestry of accomplishments.
The secret is to start and to start small.
Commit to a one percent or a half percent gain every day. A one percent daily improvement in any endeavor means you’ll be 37 times better by the end of the year. That’s an ROI Warren Buffett would love to have.
Rarely will one moment change your life. However, the sum of your decisions will.
There is a language to everything
If anyone else said the things we tell ourselves, they would be our worst enemy
– Chris Williamson
Winning has a language.
When Kobe Bryant was asked what winning meant to him, he said, “Everything.”
Losing has a language, too. Tennis legend Jimmy Connors said, “I hate to lose more than I love to win.”
The language these men used dictated their success and failure on and off the court. Their internal dialogue shaped their beliefs, attitudes, and actions.
Everything you say to yourself tells a story. It is a unique language only you hear and understand. Do you say you’re a winner, a tough SOB who can overcome any obstacle and deal with any setback, or do you shout in your head you’re a loser?
David Goggins has a unique language he uses when he wants to sleep in or take a day off. He calls himself a bitch. Though it may sound harsh, it works for him.
What do you say when you want to quit? Do you call yourself out, make excuses, and stay an extra 30 minutes in bed?
When you talk to yourself, are you a friend or an enemy?
Do you speak the language of winning or losing?
Take your pain and make it useful
Mikel Jollett, the frontman for the band Airbourne Toxic Event, wrote in his haunting memoir Hollywood Park (I highly recommend this book):
“Take our pain and make it useful. That’s what it means to be an artist.”
Jollett experienced a difficult childhood, grew up in a cult, lived in poverty, and suffered through his parents’ addiction and the revolving door of his mother’s husbands.
Mike Jollett and every living soul have learned life is a series of pain and suffering and hundreds of obstacles that sometimes attempt to destroy us. We can either use pain as a reason to overcome tragedy, to paint a better life or as an excuse to succumb to it.
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” –Marcus Aurelius.
Using your pain starts with gratitude. Pain means you’re alive. That you survived and discovered you’re strong enough. Be grateful for that.
Then, turn your wounds into wisdom and measure your life not by the stuff you’ve accumulated but by the obstacles you’ve overcome.
You’re always fighting one person
Every morning, Anthony Bourdain woke up fighting a guy in his head. I understand what he meant.
The guy Bourdain fought wanted to sleep in all day, smoke pot, and watch movies and cartoons. He said his life was a series of stratagems to avoid and outwit that guy.
While I never wanted to smoke pot, I am always trying to outsmart that guy in my head who wants to sleep in. He’s always telling me to train tomorrow and that I can stay up until two am. I constantly fight the guy who says I can ignore my deadlines and write tomorrow.
I am always fighting me.
Some days, I win. Some days, I lose.
Are you fighting the same fight?
Did you lose to her yesterday? Did she kick your ass today? Will she win tomorrow?
When you win more often than you lose, everything good happens.
Give yourself permission to fail
This may sound like a contradiction to everything I have said, but give yourself permission to fail.
Give yourself permission to lose, quit for a moment, or run away so you can fight again.
Give yourself permission to be a slow learner, to be last, the first to fall, or even the last guy to get up.
Give yourself permission to start over. Or even start for the first time.
Give yourself permission to be a 60-year-old failure. Because tomorrow, you could be the world’s greatest 61-year-old success story.
Give yourself permission to be afraid, but also give yourself permission to be the hero in your own story.
It is alright to fail, to suck, to be unhappy, and lose friends who don't understand you.
It’s okay to start over again for the 1000th time.
It’s alright if you’re different and have years of failure on your resume. You did not quit. You became stronger and more resilient. You learned you are not your failures.
Mostly, give yourself permission to love yourself. To forgive all your sins, all your failures.
Forgive yourself for not becoming the person your family or you thought you should be. Instead, you became someone better.
Give yourself permission to be you, who learns from each mistake and failure.
Give yourself permission to fail a thousand more times before you learn a simple lesson.
Give yourself permission to show up even when you don’t want to.
Give yourself permission.
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail." ― Confucius
Hunger will change you
Satisfaction is death. Be hungry instead.
There is nothing more powerful than hunger.
Hunger makes you want to be more, do more, contribute, and be part of something.
Hunger is the most critical ingredient for success. There is nothing more powerful than it.
There are so many types of hunger. There is the hunger to be someone. The hunger to not be homeless. The hunger to make a difference. The hunger to be a better parent or husband or son. The hunger to be rich, happy, joyful, impactful, a bestselling writer, or the world’s greatest athlete. The hunger to love and be loved. The hunger to no longer be alone.
Whatever you are hungry for, your hunger can change your life.
Hunger is the fuel to be more than you were yesterday.
But the moment you feed your hunger, and it becomes satisfied, you are no longer powerful. You no longer care to make a difference. And that’s death.
Stay hungry.
A quote that has me thinking
In other words, it had been a noble experiment — that didn’t work out as I had hoped.
In subsequent years, my failures were more spectacular. I lost Supreme Court cases. I failed to get Bill Clinton’s support to strengthen unions. I failed to stop the financialization of the economy. I failed in my bid to become governor of Massachusetts. My first marriage failed.
But all of these could also be understood as noble experiments that didn’t work out as I had hoped.
It’s easy never to fail in life. You just never try. Take no risks. Don’t stretch yourself. Stay hermetically sealed inside the safety of your comfort zone. Don’t strive, for fear you’ll fall on your face.
But what’s so bad about falling on your face? At worst, you may break your nose, which is better than trying nothing in order to save face.
—Robert Reich on His Whopping Failures
Life is a noble experiment. Sometimes, you get it right. Sometimes, you don’t. But that’s okay. Failure is good. It is your greatest teacher. It is your best friend.
Failure isn’t really failure. The real failure is failing to show up and try.
Video: How to develop the ultimate mindset
The ultimate mindset is competing with the person you were yesterday. That’s how you get better. Be driven by purpose, not desire.
And the best way to improve: by one percent a day.
Can you do that?
Thanks for reading. Learn to be uncomfortable. Learn that failure isn’t failure unless you quit or stop showing up.
Don’t forget to give yourself permission to be the hero in your story.
Love to you and yours,
Michael