Welcome to The Art of Becoming.
The Power of Five Ideas Friday edition.
The Art of Becoming is a newsletter about finding value in adversity and embracing discomfort. Each week, I share how to find fulfillment, a little joy, be more resilient, wiser, and a little better. It starts with you and me embracing discomfort—by doing hard shit.
Today, we learn how five (small) ideas can change our lives
I hope you join me.
At a glance
Being authentic can be an act of rebellion.
The battles you don’t fight can be as important as what you do.
Choose your pain. You can live the pain of regret or the pain of doing. It’s your choice.
Henry Miller writes to Anais Nin that surrendering can lead to a solution. Knowing what you can or cannot control is freedom.
Video of David Goggins teaching us how to be a real alpha.
Living Authentically Means the World May Hate You
"In a world clamoring for conformity, the most revolutionary act is to authentically be oneself." - Søren Kierkegaard
The world is full of pretenders.
There are whole countries that are replicas of each other. Multinational corporations demand conformity from their employees.
The exceptional and remarkable are boiled down and packaged into the unremarkable and the ordinary. Few promotions are given to the outlier.
Authenticity is rare and often despised.
Kierkegaard emphasized the importance of living authentically and being true to oneself.
Societal pressures and expectations can be overwhelming, but his idea of embracing individuality remains relevant.
The path to authenticity is to reflect on your beliefs, values, and passions. Cultivate a good life by doing what empowers you to live your best life.
Stop trying to live up to other people’s expectations and start discovering who you want to be.
Cultural influences shape perceptions of ourselves, our place in society, and how society treats us. Nothing more typifies this behavior than when Kid Rock shot and destroyed several cases of Budweiser. He did this in response to a social media campaign Budweiser had with transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney.
The problem with being different and authentic is that we often only want to celebrate our originality.
Kid Rock is uniquely, unapologetically authentic. A genuine Detroit original. He famously said, “Go where you're celebrated, not tolerated. I'm celebrated in Detroit.”
But for Kid Rock and people who think like him, it only applies to those who conform to their values.
Dylan Mulvaney, if you’re reading this, you and everyone living their truth will always be celebrated here.
It’s radical to embrace your true self, especially when society imposes norms and expectations regarding behavior, success, and appearance, such as when a man shoots beer cans with a semi-automatic gun.
Sometimes, there are real reasons for not revealing your genuine self. Sometimes, your truth can evoke fear and irrational hate in others.
And if you’re born different. If you don’t “fit” someone’s preconceived definition of what a person, man, woman, child, girl, or boy should or should not be, then the world throws hate, indifference, and callous disregard your way.
Navigating these opposing forces requires self-awareness, courage, and resilience.
To live your true self requires you to defy societal norms and challenge what you and your family consider ‘normal.’
To be authentic, you’re going to need to start a revolution.
That starts by being different. It begins by being uniquely you.
Quote on the battles you fight
“The battles you choose not to fight are as important as the ones you do.” —From the TV series Warrior
Wisdom is knowing when to fight and when to conserve energy.
It is understanding not every disagreement needs to be an argument.
Most often, the guy who cut you off on the freeway didn’t see you. Practice FIDO—Forget It and Drive On.
Choose your pain
Which pain do you choose?
Life is supposed to be a struggle. It’s supposed to hurt, suck, and sometimes, it is unbearably horrible.
But you're going to have pain one way or the other.
You can choose the pain of suppressing yourself, playing along, being accepted, or you can have the pain of being yourself and living your truth.
As Tim Denning said, “The stuff we value in life is the stuff we struggled for.” And that stuff is always painful.
Which pain do you choose?
Learning to surrender leads to freedom
“Surrender and the problem ceases to be: When you surrender, the problem ceases to exist. Try to solve it, or conquer it, and you only set up more resistance. I am very certain now that… if I truly become what I wish to be, the burden will fall away. The most difficult thing to admit, and to realize with one’s whole being, is that you alone control nothing. To be able to put yourself in tune or rhythm with the forces beyond, which are the truly operative ones, that is the task — and the solution, if we can speak of “solutions.” Letter from Henry Miller to Anais Nin.
You become free when you understand you control nothing except your thoughts and attitudes.
Freedom is your choosing to respond to what happens to you. Victor Frankel calls this the last freedom.
A man can spit on you, beat you, throw you in prison, even try to kill you, but even doing that, he cannot take away how you choose to think about him, yourself, and the world.
How to Be a Real Alpha by David Goggins
A real Alpha doesn’t put other people down.
You don’t become a good man or woman by talking about others.
You don’t know another person’s pain. You don’t know their struggles. You don’t know what their life at home is like. You don’t know their childhood.
You don’t know enough about anyone to say anything derogatory.
Use your time to offer a hand-up instead of giving a put-down.
Stop condemning or criticizing. Practice compassion instead of complaining.
One day, it might be you in need of a helping hand.
Thanks for reading. I am grateful for you.
Love to you and yours,
Michael